Broiled Sea Bass with Spicy Mayo

I think Chilean Sea Bass is a wonderful fish. It’s a white fish that’s moist and has a bit of fat in it. I got my hands on some Chilean sea bass fillets and I was eager to make something with it, so I made Broiled Chilean Sea Bass with Spicy Mayo.

Ingredients:

Filets of Chilean Sea Bass – Make sure you remove those pin bones!

Olive oil or canola oil

Salt and pepper

Mayo

Cayanne

Lemon

Directions:

Step 1: Preparing the oven and stuff

• Remove any pin bones in your fish fillets. You never know, so it’s always best to check your fish carefully.

• Pat your fish dry.

• Sprinkle a bit of salt and finely ground pepper onto your fish.

• Lightly oil a baking sheet with olive or canola oil.

• Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.

Step 2: Preparing the Spicy Mayo

• Mix your mayo with some cayenne pepper. It’s up to you as to how spicy you want it so go nuts.

Tip: For presentation, put your spicy mayo into a squeeze bottle so it can be later squeezed onto your fish in nice looking stripes. If you don’t have one of those fancy squeeze bottles like they do in restaurant kitchens, a zip lock bag will work. Just put your mayo into a corner of the zip lock bag. Twist the corner so it starts to look like you have a pastry bag filled with frosting. Using scissors, carefully cut a small opening into the tip of the zip lock and you have an instant piping bag.

Step 3: Cooking the fish

• Heat a DRY pan on medium-high heat without putting oil in it. Heat the pan really well, and then put your fish directly into the pan. Immediately after your put your fish, add your oil.

• Let your fish cook for 2 mins.

• Gently turn the fish over and cook for about another minute. Then remove and place sear side up on your oiled baking sheet.

• Stripe your fish with a desired amount of spicy mayo.

• Turn oven to broil and place your fish on a top rack of your oven. Not too close though, leave about 6 inches so that your fish does not burn.

• Set timer to 5 minutes and watch your fish cook.

Tip: Keep your eye on the fish as of this point. 5 minutes is not that long of a time and because everyone has a different oven, make sure not to overcook your fish or burn your mayo! You want a nice sizzle at the top of your fish and looking at how much brown or how burnt your mayo will be a good indicator of whether or not to take it out. Remember, you’ve already cooked your fish a bit in the pan and given it a good sear, so the use of your oven is just to sizzle up the mayo and finish it off.

• Splash some lemon juice onto your fish and garnish with parsley.

Serve with rice, pasta or on top of a bed of greens.

Pan Seared Scallops (I didn't cook this, Google Images did)

Last time on Foodtacular, Ted Allen (host of Food Network’s Chopped) helped us with some fish cooking tips (see Fish and Flips). Now we’re continuing our adventure into seafood-searing land and we’ve asked Ted for some advice on properly pan searing scallops.

Ted was kind enough to grace us with his wisdom and here’s what he had to say. Some of Ted’s fans, Daniel and Margie gave us a few tips as well.

Ted Allen's Pro Tips on Scallop Searing

Ted recommended us to use scallops labeled as “dry” because they’re not soaked in TSP preservatives. I think TSP stands for “Totally Soaked in Preservatives”. Yes, that sounds about right.

The Advice: Breakin’ it down

The Scallops: Whenever I buy scallops, I always drain them and soak them in fresh water. After a while, I can see this opaque blue-ish white liquid seep out of my scallops. That’s probably all that TSP.

The Cooking Technique: Ted’s advice here is pretty good! Dry scallops, a bit of oil, toss them in and shake! I’ve been doing it all wrong. I put my scallops down and then leave them there. Boo! Because scallops are so delicate, if you left them to sear like a steak, they’d stick and get all destroyed. Shaking them around cooks the scallop very lightly and allows you to leave them to sear right afterwards with more stability. A quick 2 minutes on each side will yield well seared scallops.

Next, Daniel added that we could also baste the scallops in the pan with the cooking liquid to continue the cooking process. That’s also a great technique. Daniel continues to warn us not to cook too many scallops in one pan. Another good tip! Don’t crowd the pan!

Margie also echo’s Daniel’s note about trying to use different cooking oils, such as canola instead of just olive oil.

Well, I can’t wait to try out this advice. Hopefully next time, my scallops won’t looks like a ruby TSP soaked mess.

Happy searing everyone!

Siggi's Skyr (Caution: Sour!)

Yesterday on my hurried way to work, I stopped at a grocery store to pick up two cups of yogurt and some fruit. I figured it was going to be a healthy and quick lunch. When I took my first bite of yogurt, it was a bit thicker than normal, I thought to myself, that’s okay, it’s just that hearty custard style. And then it hit me. A wave of sour. A tsunami of sour. A hurricane of sour. It’s like the 2012 of sour. Okay, you get it.

I looked at the cup of yogurt and it said “Icelandic style Skyr” on it. W-T-F? In my haste I grabbed skyr, an Icelandic sour-as-hell yogurt. Andrew Zimmern ate a spoonful of it on Bizarre Foods Iceland (Season 2, episode 2) but it didn’t really bother him the way it hit me.

Shouldn't they re-label this to prevent "accidental mis-use"?

But seriously, I only looked at “pomegranate” and “passion fruit” and I got excited. I didn’t even bother to look at the Icelandic part or the skyr part. It was totally my fault.

I still ate it, but a face-jerk accompanied every spoonful of this stuff. I would definitely enjoy it more if it had more sugar though. You could tell that this kind of hearty Icelandic style yogurt is healthy for you because it’s pretty hearty and has a potent sour taste. It also has a very natural, healthy looking off-white color. Lesson learned, Skyr is not for losers. But I did enjoy experiencing a new food. I encourage everyone out there to go eat their own spoonfuls of Icelandic skyr and see if it’s something they like.

Cheers!

Broiled Panko Oysters with Garlic Aioli!

Every once in a while, I’ll get this panic attack knowing some food in my fridge will spoil if I don’t eat it. This time, I whipped up some fancy yet simple oyster hors d’oeuvre with honey panko breadcrumbs and hand manipulated garlic lemon aioli.

The Recipe

• A dozen fresh oysters – The fatter the better! Those delicious idiots won’t know what hit’em!

Tip: Sometimes you can get oysters in a jar, already out of their shells. That’s nice because you don’t have to fiddle with shucking your hands off.

Unsuspecting Oyster

• 2 cups of Honey Panko Breadcrumbs (or enough to coat the oysters)

Honey Panko Breadcrumbs

• 2 eggs

• Some olive oil or butter

• 3 tablespoons of your favorite Mayonnaise (I like to use the Best Foods Real Mayo. It just tastes better to me. Also, if you’re wanting something really special, go to an asian grocery and get yourself some Kewpie mayo. It’s quite good.)

Kewpie Mayo

• 2 cloves of garlic

• 1 juicy Meyer lemon (or regular lemon, or if they’re not in season).

Tip: Meyer lemons are great. They’re slightly sweeter and have great flavor. And on top of that, they’re very juicy when they’re ripe.

Ripe Meyer Lemons

Directions: Garlic Aioli

Put your garlic into a garlic press and squeeze into your mayo. Mix well and splash some lemon juice.
Be sure it doesn’t taste like shit and adjust your seasonings appropriately. Add more garlic, lemon and/or salt so you’re happy.

Tip: If you’re one of those “fun” kinda people, you’ll put some cayenne into the aioli. I find that it not only adds flavor, it also adds color.

Directions: Broiling the oysters

Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.

Beat the eggs up to make an egg wash.

Coat your oysters in egg wash and then dust them lightly with breadcrumbs.

Take a baking pan for cupcakes or Madelines and grease the bottom of each space with either olive oil or a bit of butter.

Tip: The reason why I use one of these pans is because the oysters will loose some of the moisture while in the oven, and I won’t want all that cooking liquid to escape. Why not have the oyster broil in it’s own delicious juices? It’s a nice way to preserve some of that flavor while keeping the oyster from burning.

Madeline Pan

Place a your dressed up oyster in each slot and put into oven in middle rack.

Bake at 425 for about 5-10 minutes.

Tip: Please watch your oysters through the glass to make sure they’re not exploding with the might of a thousand suns. Everyone has a different oven so I don’t need anyone complaining to me that 10 minutes was too long or 5 minutes was too short. When they look like they’re sizzling and the breadcrumbs start to brown, you know it’s about ready to turn your oven to broil.

Turn oven to broil, and move oysters to top rack. But not too close! Leave about 6 inches from the top.

Broil for 2-3 minutes, or until the tops are crispy and brown. This is where you can over cook your oysters, so be careful!

Tip: Make sure to watch your oysters here so they don’t explode with the power of a million angry bees. You don’t want the breadcrumbs to burn or whatever. Also, quick note, try not to keep opening and closing your oven door to check on your oysters. That lets precious heat out and it might screw up your timing. Look through the glass, okay?

Take out your sizzling oysters and dab some of your garlic aioli on top.

Garnish with a splash of lemon juice and parsley.

You’re ready to enjoy your haute cuisine apper-teaser in the middle of the night!

Ta Da! Broiled Panko Oysters with Garlic Aioli!

Did I just get hit by a shrink ray?

It’s Monday night and I just got out of a meeting in downtown Portland. My stomach’s grumbling and I’ve got a mean craving for sushi. When you’re in Portland, and you have a hankerin’ for some sushi, there is only one place to go to, Saburo’s. I’ve just given up a big local secret. More like big local favorite, Saburo’s is like a terrible addiction. It’s so good when you’ve got some, but it’s god awful when you’ve don’t  and you have to wait at the end of a 50 person line just to get some.

Saburo’s is tucked inside an inconspicuous building in East Morland, home of Reed College. Whenever you drive by, you’ll see a huge crowd of people and you’ll wonder to yourself, “hey, that must be a pretty good pub”. But then you realize that there are a bunch of pregnant women and children waiting outside as well. That’s when you realize that there’s something going on here. When I pulled up to Saburo’s on this particular Monday night, there was indeed a huge crowd. I knew I was in for a long wait. I walked up to a guy calling names from a clipboard and asked him how long the wait was for a single. Then the impossible happened. He said, “oh…right this way…” Bam! Right on the sushi counter with zero wait at the hottest sushi place in the entire universe. I didn’t even bother to look back because I knew 50 people were simultaneously cursing my existence.

Saburo’s has single handedly ruined sushi for me. I mean ‘ruined’ in the most honorable way possible and I mean ‘single handedly’ in the most ridiculous way possible. Allow me to explain. Saburo makes the largest sushi ever made by a sushi chef not committed to an insane asylum. He’s either really generous with his portions, or he’s managed to hit every one of his customer’s with a shrink ray when they walk through the door.

Right when I sat down, I wasted no time and ordered a spider roll, spicy scallop hand roll, uni nigiri with quail egg, hamachi nirigi, amaebi nigiri and their fatty tuna (o-toro) nigiri. Oh, and to wash it all down, a bottle of Sapporo. The service there is so fast. Sometime in between me blinking and me exhaling, my beer appeared before me with a frosted glass. I didn’t even touch it for 5 minutes because I thought it was for the guy sitting next to me.

Then, just as quickly as my beer arrived, my food arrived, handed on a gigantic plate over the sushi bar by the notorious chef himself, Saburo. “The shrimp heads are on the way”, he said with a big smile. The kind of smile that says, you know you’re about you get your sushi habits ruined. This is the Hindenburg of sushi. It’s huge. It’s flying down your throat. And it will crash land in your stomach. Oh, the humanity.

I was so hungry by this point that I just started inhaling my food. But I hadn’t been to Saburo’s in a while, so there was a delayed reaction. I ate about 3 pieces of Saburo’s massive cuts and wondered to myself why I was so full. Duh. It’s because the sushi’s so freakin’ big you’re wimpy stomach can’t handle all the extremeness. Then I realized that the power must have gone out because Saburo put a flashlight on my plate. Wait….that’s no flashlight. That’s my spicy scallop hand roll.

Wait....what's this flashlight doing on my plate?

How the hell am I even supposed to eat this thing? Where’s my fork and knife? Never mind the fork, get me a forklift.

Look ma! I'm the Statue of Liberty!

If I was on the tarmac of Portland International Airport, I could land a 747 with this. The sauce is bright enough orange that I’m sure it’d stand out at night. If I was on American Gladiators, I could easily beat Turbo to a pulp. The nori seaweed would not tear under pressure. I’m sure this hand roll could interrupt Kanye West during the…..okay…..MOVING ON.

The meal was great. Saburo’s is a great place to go. And there’s so much else on the menu to try in all its oversized glory. So, you ask yourself, “how do I get to eat super sized sushi?” Well, first you gotta get your ass to Portland. Then wait in line for 7 hours. Just kidding. If you are going to go, be prepared for a wait. (Or be like me and slip in as a single.) I’ve had much success going right when they open. But don’t worry, a bunch of other people also have that idea, so make sure you’re there a good 20 minutes before they open.

For the record, I was barely able to finish my nigiri and didn’t even take a bite of my spider roll. Did you notice those spider rolls were the size of a hockey puck?

I’ll definitely be stopping by Saburo’s again the next time I’m in P-Town. This time with mental preparation to eat more sushi and make more oversized hand roll sushi jokes.

Halibut with Saffron Leeks, Lemon Thyme and Chervil

Seattle Restaurant Week came and went, and even though I wanted to go to every restaurant and eat everything on the menu, it was just not possible. In fact, I barely got into even one restaurant. Pretty lame huh? Well, in my defense, 600,000 other people had the same idea. Luckily, I was able to sneak into a table at Poppy. Wow, it was good.

Menu at Poppy

At first glance Poppy’s Restaurant Week tasting menu looks balanced with a good offering of protein and vegetables. But when you really begin to read what’s on the menu do you start to notice how interesting everything is.

Did I just see a drink that features habanero pepper? Yes, it’s called the Papi Delicious. The Papi Delicious was the first cocktail I’ve ever had with a smell that’s just as good as the taste. It smelled like a gang of herbs and peppers beating to death a guy that worked in a tequila distillery. I was expecting my drink to taste more like a salad but the Papi Delicious has a spicy kick that doesn’t get drown out by the alcohol. The glass was rimmed with spicy habanero salt. There was a really nice balance in this eccentric drink. Remember that I said ‘balance’ because that would end up being the central theme of the night.

Papi Delicious

Starters

It was a cool menu. If the Fonz was a vegetable loving master chef, this would be the menu he’d put together for Seattle’s Restaurant Week. The food was different than what you’d see on other menus. Normally on restaurant menus, you’d see some steak, some bullshit salad and some “Soup of the Day” with pan seared scallops and half assed salmon. Not here. What caught my eye was the stinging nettle soup. The last thing I want in my mouth are stinging nettles, but you’d be surprised at what chef Jerry Traunfeld creates with vegetables. He really brings out the best in each ingredient. Take the eggplant fries for instance. First of all, the eggplants came out looking like real hand cut steak fries. But they had a sweetness to them that I’ve never tasted before when eating eggplant. Some of you might never have even eaten eggplant. And if you haven’t don’t eat it until you’ve had these eggplant fries at Poppy. These eggplant fries also had a spiciness to them. It wasn’t from any spice added it, the flavor came from the eggplants themselves. Eggplants aren’t spicy at all, but the freshness that’s captured in this dish by chef Jerry comes out as a sweet spiciness. If chef Jerry had a superpower, it would be making eggplants taste better than fried potato sticks.

Eggplant Fries

More appetizers. Here come the fried mussels and salted cod fritters.

Spring Mussels with Lovage

The mussels were coated with a crispy thin shell of flour, delicately fried, then gingerly placed back in their shells. A nice simple presentation with a delicate and familiar flavor made this dish a rock star. “Where is chef Jerry?”, I thought to myself, “I’m gonna give this man a hug.”

Salt Cod Fritters with Smoked Paprika Aioli

The salted cod fritters tasted more like a crab cake. Crispy, fluffy and satisfying fried fritters were only made better with a smoked paprika aioli. “Wow”, I thought to myself, “this man makes my aioli taste like toxic waste.” Watch out Captain Planet, here comes Tangy’s crap aioli!

These were great starters. Light, flavorful and unique, these fried items didn’t end up being to greasy. Also, the approach for these different seafood dishes didn’t make it feel redundant to order mussels and fish at the same time.

Entrees

Lavender duck leg with pomegranate red cabbage

Stinging nettle soup

Fingerling, fennel and almond salad

Cauliflower with sesame and dill

Golden beet with spice bread and mint

Rhubarb pickle

Onion-poppy naan

Lavender Duck Leg with Pomegranate Red Cabbage

The stinging nettle soup was bright green. It reminded me of a split pea soup, but the taste is much better. Creamy and smooth, the nettles didn’t sting at all. No bitter taste, no acidic bite, just surprisingly delicate soup with a soft earthy aroma.

A fingerling, fennel and almond salad flanked the soup. It was refreshing and crisp. The biggest reason why I don’t eat salad is because I’ve never had a good one. But chef Jerry’s salad is great. The vegetables were fresh and flavorful, not bitter and slimy.

The lavender duck leg was cooked to perfection. Crispy skin sat on top of evenly cooked duck meat. The duck was delicate and juicy, paired perfectly with rhubarb pickles on the side. The sweet, sour, spicy crunch of those red rhubarb pickles cut the grease of the duck leg.

Halibut with saffron leeks, lemon thyme and chervil

Asparagus and sage soup

Miner’s lettuce, grapefruit, endive and olive salad

Three-seed fiddleheads

Swiss chard and oregano gratin

Rhubarb pickle

Onion-poppy naan

Halibut with Saffron Leeks, Lemon Thyme and Chervil

The asparagus sage soup had all the subtle flavors of asparagus without any of the downside of actually eating asparagus. Come on, admit it, you hate asparagus too. This soup jumped over all the deep chasms of my prejudice towards certain vegetables. Smooth, creamy and sweet, the asparagus soup surprised me.

The miner’s lettuce, grapefruit, endive and olive salad gave a nice citrusy crunch. The endive brought a different dimension to the lettuce and the grapefruit arm wrestled with the olives. I thought to myself, “no, this can’t be, don’t tell me this Jerry guy is making me like vegetables…” But it was true. That wonderful chef Jerry guy was making me like vegetables.

My halibut with saffron leeks, lemon thyme chervil was perfect. You might be thinking to yourself, “why did you order so much seafood?” Well, it’s because I love seafood and I wanted to see what this acclaimed chef did with it. And it blew me away. Until that moment, I did not think it was possible to cook fish so evenly while retaining its delicate flavors and juices. (If you read from before, I’m a fish failure and had to whine to Ted Allen, host of Food Network’s Chopped, to get some advice.)

Of course, there was more. Everything was well thought, well executed, flavorful and purposeful. Each dish held a flavor that cooperated with each other. The entrees were fun to eat because you could bounce around to get an near infinite combination tastes.

The onion-poppy naan not only looked beautiful, but also tasted heavenly. The aromatic naan had a light crisp on the outside and soft fluffiness on the inside. I was sad they only gave me one.

Desert

Can this meal get any better? Yes, and it did. In Foodtacular tradition, let’s just say I wrecked my mouth on two amazing deserts.

Hot date cake with pecans, butterscotch and banana ice cream

Hot Date Cake with Pecans, Butterscotch and Banana Ice Cream

This dessert made me want to walk into the kitchen and give that chef Jerry guy a hug. This is ridiculous. Warm date cake soaked with butterscotch and topped with crunchy pecans. I grew up eating honey dates and they are one of the richest and sweetest snacks you can give a kid. (well, maybe not anymore) Even if you don’t like dates, or don’t like pecans or don’t like butterscotch or don’t like any of it, you will once they are combined into this prima dona of desserts. And lets not forget the banana ice cream. When you get overloaded on butterscotch, just hop on over to that ice cream to cool yourself off.

Apricot honey crepe with lemon poppy ice cream

Apricot Honey Crepe with Lemon Poppy Ice Cream

Inside this beautiful crepe lies a delicious secret: apricot and honey puree. Yum. That’s what my brain was saying the whole time my mouth was too busy to speak. These apricots must have received some tender love and care in the kitchen because I did not know apricots could be made into such a well balanced dessert. And the lemon ice cream was easy to enjoy along with the crepe.

*Burp!*

What a meal. No ingredient overshadowed another. Each characteristic flavor of otherwise boring vegetables were brought out for us to enjoy in the most delicate and sophisticated of ways.

Before I ran off to give chef Jerry a hug, I did take a peek at his regular dinner menu and there were even more stellar things to try. Until next time!

Happy Fried Chicken

One of humanity’s favorite ways of cooking food is to fry. And the world’s most munched on bird is the Chicken. So, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that fried chicken holds a special place in many people’s hearts. I don’t know about you, but Hunnie and I drool over fried chicken. Just the thought of fried chicken makes me weak in the knees. I am determined to master this simple yet surprisingly complex food.

The Research

We’ve all seen the numerous food shows that highlight fried chicken. Unwrapped with Mark Summers did a segment on Popeye’s fried chicken. Their secret was to marinate the fried chicken in a special blend of spices and buttermilk for 24 hours. In Food Network’s Throwdown with Bobby Flay, he challenged a veteran chicken frying Chef to a Fried Chicken Throwndown. Through the course of that episode, it was revealed that Bobby Flay double dips his chicken in a flour-buttermilk-flour trifecta to get that special crunch when frying. The chicken is dusted with seasoned flour, then dunked in buttermilk, then tossed in flour, then fried. Some chefs don’t use buttermilk but nonetheless, the chicken needs to marinated in special seasonings and perfectly fried. In Food Network’s Best Thing I Ever Ate, they featured the magical fried chicken of a restaurant in New Orleans. This chef learned her secrets from her grandmother, which founded the restaurant. She emphasizes oil temperature and timing, which is also something the chefs in Throwdown emphasized. Alton Brown, host of Good Eats also has a recipe for Fried Chicken. It seems simple, which is a bit different then how the other chefs do it, but who knows, maybe the elegance is in its simplicity?

So let’s recap the important details:

1) Secret blend of spices and/or buttermilk to marinate the chicken.

2) Secret blend of spices and/or buttermilk to coat chicken. Coating the chicken once or twice both seem to yield crispy and flavorful fried pieces of meat.

3) Carefully regulated oil temperature and very specific cook time.

4) Cross your fingers and hope that the Chicken Gods are with you.

Okay, so looking at this short list of important details, it’s obvious that the barriers to entry to fried chicken fame is not easily obtained. Looks like I better not expect to get my degree in Frynancial Chickenomics any time soon. (Whoa, that was an awesome joke! But not nearly as awesome as the chicken I’m about to fry, so keep reading.)

The Plan

So I know that the seasonings play a very big role. After studying what the pros tend to use, here’s a list of spices that seem to go into the chicken marinade.

1) Cayenne pepper (for heat, depth of flavor, and that spicy kick)

2) Paprika (for sweetness and aroma and another dimension of spicy kick)

3) Garlic powder (or granulated garlic, for an aromatic flavor. everything that tastes good these days either has onion, garlic or butter in it.)

4) Onion powder (just like garlic powder, but different…a bit more…onion-y)

5) Black pepper (for a nice kick that’s different than cayenne or paprika)

6) Salt (yes, good ol’ salt. but not too much, or else it’ll ruin it. more on that later.)

Most of the chefs use some combination of these spices. I guess the secret is in the proportion of these spices. But these spices are so commonly used, I refuse to believe that Fried Chicken can be mastered with just these. I’ve always wondered what other spices would go well in a super secret fried chicken marinade?

A) Coriander: This spice has a nice citrus flavor. Often used with chicken anyways, wouldn’t it pair nicely?

B) Allspice: Also used with chicken and other meats, so this spice should go well to add more depth. But not too much, or else it’ll taste bitter.

C) Cinnamon: Ground, not stick. Don’t be silly. A little bit of cinnamon would add that sweet aromatic spiciness that we’ve all come to love. Some cinnamon here wouldn’t necessarily make your fried chicken taste like a ginger bread house, it would make it a bit sweeter and more juicy.

D) Nutmeg: What the hell is nutmeg doing in here? I dunno, why is a raven like a writing desk? Because it just is. Nutmeg has a subtle earthy, dare it say it, nutty flavor that goes well with chicken and some of the other flavors I just mentioned.

E) Thyme: Yes, chicken does go well with thyme, but now you’re just throwing everything in there huh? Who says some herbs can’t do in with our super secret marinade? Maybe this will add some freshness to our chicken-ness?

F) Oregano: More herbs that go with chicken. Maybe by the end of this ridiculous list, my fried chicken will taste like a chicken noodle soup. If that’s so, then I’m going to make myself fried chicken whenever I get the sniffles.

If in some magical way, these flavors are used in recipes by pro chicken fryers and they just don’t tell us, then I’ve hit the Fried Chicken Jackpot. It’s just figuring out the proportions of these ingredients that make this recipe harder than blowing up the Death Star by shooting a photon torpedo down some maintenance shaft. (Oh wait….)

The Recipe

With all that thinking and planning and practicing in my X-Wing, here’s my recipe for some fried chicken. Please note that all the proportions of this recipe are garbage. I never measure when I cook. To me, it’s all about proportions. Obviously you can tweak this as you like to get your chicken to taste completely different than any other fried chicken. (To be really honest with you, whenever you watch any cooking show on TV, how does anyone know that what they’re making tastes like complete crap? I mean, seriously, they have to tell you that it has to taste good or else why would they have a show to tell people how to cook?) Enough chit-chat!

The Ingredients

2 tablespoons of cayenne pepper

2 tablespoons of paprika pepper (smoked or whatever, it’s your preference)

1/3 tablespoon of ground black pepper

1/2 tablespoon of nutmeg

1/2 tablespoon of coriander

1/2 tablespoon of cinnamon

1/3 tablespoon of allspice

1/2 tablespoon of oregano

1/2 tablespoon of thyme

1/3 tablespoon of salt

2 tablespoons of garlic powder

2 tablespoons of onion powder

Some Buttermilk

Some Flour

Some Canola Oil for frying (you can also use Shortening or Peanut oil, or vegitable oil, use your imagination)

A bunch of chicken pieces

Sad Chicken: Would you friend this on Facebook?

The Steps

Pat your chicken dry. You don’t want wet chicken because the water will just dilute your yummy spices. And nobody wants to be a flavorless downer at a fried chicken party.

Combine your spices (except for the salt! do not put salt in your marinade! it makes your chicken salty! save the salt for when you’re coating with flour.) with your buttermilk and pour over chicken. Put in fridge and marinate for a bunch of hours (2-24 hours).

Once your chicken has been flavoritized and marinificated (yes, those are words, and no, gullible is not in the dictionary) pat them dry and prepare for the double dipping process. Save your flavored buttermilk for your chicken’s second dunking.

Preheat your oil (or other endorsed frying agent) to 350 degrees. (If you’re asking how much that is in Centigrade, you can go look it up, cuz I don’t know and I don’t care. If you’re asking how much that is in Kelvin, you’re probably Stephen Hawking and seriously, you shouldn’t be eating fried chicken, it’s not healthy for you anyways. We need you to live long enough to tell us when the universe will end.) While your oil is heating up, it’s time to get your flouring-dunking-flouring assembly line prepared.

Flouring the first time: Season some flour with cayenne, salt, onion powder and ground black pepper. How much you want to season the flour is up to you. (don’t you just love it when a recipe tells you to do whatever you want? i’m sure there are a few housewives that are reading this and going “WTF?!”) Evenly coat your chicken in this seasoned flour.

Dunk your floured chicken into the seasoned buttermilk that you saved from before. If you didn’t save your buttermilk, it’s okay, just get some buttermilk and put some spices into it. And it really doesn’t matter what you put to season the buttermilk because your chicken will taste awesome anyways.

After you’ve dunked your chicken into the buttermilk, coat your chicken with flour again, this time with just regular unseasoned flour. But if you want to, you can use seasoned flour again. Go nuts people.

Gently place your floured chicken into the hot oil. Be careful not to burn yourself because skin grafts hurt.

Fry for about 20 minutes. But you know what, it really depends on the size of your chicken and the temperature of your chicken when it’s being coated and going into the hot oil. If you have cold chicken, it won’t fry very well. So I think it’s a good idea to let your chicken rest to almost room temperature before you begin flouring, dunking and frying. Obviously for larger pieces of chicken it requires longer frying times, and if you’re doing this recipe with chicken strips or tenders or popcorn chicken, your cooking time would be much less. So it’s really a judgment call. (Remember the factors that made this recipe tricky? Blend of spices and cook time. That’s what the pros have and we don’t. And as low class citizens in Fried Chicken Land, we really have to do a lot of learning and experimenting before we get that perfect chicken.)

Once your chicken comes out of the oil, don’t place it on a bed of paper towels. Drain your chicken on a rack over a baking sheet, to prevent sogginess.

The Result

Happy Fried Chicken

So how did my first attempt turn out? Awesome! The doneness of my chicken was perfect because I payed attention to the Golden Browness ratio of my fried chicken. But there is always room for improvement. That’s why I strongly encourage you to try new things and repeatedly tweak your super secret blend of seasonings.

Thanks so much for reading this ridiculous experimental recipe. You are now on a quest for the best Fried Chicken in the Universe.

I wish you all the best of luck and please let me know in the comments what you think of my recipe, my jokes, and how your chicken turned out way better than mine.

First attempt at Crispy Black Cod.

Every good chef has their favorite slab of fish to cook. Ted Allen (host of the Food Network show Chopped) presented Chef Eric Ripert’s Crispy Black Bass on Best Thing I Ever Ate and I thought to myself, “wow, that’s one yummy looking slab of fish!” But it’s trickier than it looks. Eric Ripert is a seafood cooking legend. So how can an average guy like me cook something that foodtacular? I went out and got myself some Black Cod, fired up the stove and busted out my favorite spatula and….the outcome? It wasn’t crispy, it fell apart, and it was a too oily. (And it took me an hour to make….talk about being unprepared.)

Time for some advice: Ted Allen to the Rescue

I decided to ask Ted himself how to properly cook Crispy Black Cod. And here’s what he said.

“It’s not hard. A 6-ounce piece of skin-on cod holds together well. Sear the skin side, turn, and finish briefly on the other side. Voila.”

and…

“What you need to do this is a fish spatula—one of the most useful tools ever invented. Also, get a DRY pan heated medium-high, a good 5-10 minutes, then add your oil immediately before putting the fish in, skin side down. Cheers!”

Gold! I’ve struck GOLD! Keep the skin on, dry pan, fish spatula, add oil in later?! Who needs Le Cordon Bleu when I’ve got Facebook and Ted Allen? Wait, maybe I also need a fish spatula…

La Spatula du Poisson - "Fish Spatula"

I also found this Q&A while looking for more inspiration from Chef Ripert himself. In the interview, he mentions halibut red snapper and escolar, which just happens to be some of the fish I’ve been wanting to learn how to cook for Hunnie. It might be a while until I master the art of cooking fish. Hopefully the learning process will be sped up with Ted’s advice. Upon further investigation, the dish Ted was talking about was Crispy Black Bass, and I was cooking Black Cod. I’m sure that difference in ingredients also contributed to my…* ahem*…failure.

Hawaiian Poke Recipe

So you want to make Poke? Follow these simple instructions and you’ll be on your way to tropical food bliss.

Hawaiian Red Tuna Poke

1 lb of cubed sashimi grade tuna

3/4 tablespoon of roasted sesame oil

3/4 table spoon of soy sauce

1/4 cup of finely chopped green onions

1/4 cup of julienned Maui sweet onions (white onions also okay)

1/2 tablespoon of crushed chili flakes with seeds

Hawaiian Alaea Red Clay Salt seasoned to taste

White and black sesame seeds to garnish (optional)

Chopped dried seaweed to garnish (optional)

Crushed kukui nut to garnish (optional)

For Marlin (white) Tuna Poke, omit the sesame oil and soy sauce. Add grated ginger.

Vegitarians: Substitute the fish for medium or firm tofu.

Step 1: The Fish

Cube your tuna and dry it with a clean towel or paper towel. You don’t want lots of water on your fish when you’re about to make poke because you don’t want the water to dilute the flavor of your seasonings and sauces.

Once it’s drained, put it in a mixing bowl and prepare your other ingredients.

Dry your fish! You don't the water to dilute your awesome flavors!

Step 2: The Veggies

Finely chop your green onions. You don’t want huge pieces of green onions because it’s inconvenient to eat and gets in the way of the smooth and cool consistency of this dish. Next, cut your onions so that they’re long, and not diced. You can dice them, but I think it adds more to the dish to chop the onions in a different shape than your green onions and tuna. Think about it, the tuna is cubed, the green onions are sorta cubed shaped, so why do you have to also put onions in that are cubed? Make this dish interesting visually and tastefully with julienned onions.

Chopp’em up, throw’em into the bowl.

Step 3: The Seasonings

Combine your soy sauce, sesame oil and chili flakes into the bowl. Fold until well mixed. Since you’re already adding soy sauce, you don’t need to add a lot of Hawaiian Alaea Red Salt. Then garnish with whatever else you have (sesame seeds, seaweed, kukui nuts, etc.)

Serve with or without rice.

I find that this makes a great meal as well as a great appetizer for dinner.

I hope you enjoy! Recipes similar to this poke recipe coming soon!

Korean Sashimi

I’m sure you’re probably wondering to yourself, “silly Tangy, everyone knows sashimi is Japanese and not Korean. sheesh! what an idiot!” So if you’re thinking that, then you’re the idiot. Korean style sashimi is exactly what is sounds like, sashimi, served the way Koreans want to serve it.

This sentence only makes sense if you understand the following two things:

1) Japanese food, though delicately and thoughtfully prepared, is meager in portion and leaves you feeling not so full. The Japanese will eat until they are comfortably satisfied, which is usually about 3/4 full. The Japanese never binge or eat until they are about to explode Thanksgiving Day style (that’s just for us stupid Tangys that love to eat a ton and then get really sick.)

2) Koreans like to do it big. Big flavors, big portions, big spices and big heat. Some Korean food is so hearty and so spicy, it’ll reinvigorate your soul and make you want to shoot arrows while riding horseback at some deer in the woods. Extreme!

So how do these two different concepts merge into a delicate offering of assorted raw fish? Easy! You just serve a butt-load of it on a small wooden boat with a side of red Korean hot sauce.

You’re probably asking yourself, “Sweet! Where do I sign up?!!!” Well, you can sign up right here, cuz we’re about to break it down for you.

The Setup

Korean style sashimi is a generous portion of raw fish sliced into half inch thick slabs of delicious awesomeness. The sashimi can be of one type of fish or assorted. Either way, prepare to get wrecked. Have you ever tried to eat over a pound of raw fish? When you think about it, that’s what Korean sashimi is like. It’s not an easy task. If you’re gonna do it, make sure you have a buddy there with you so someone can carry you out of the restaurant and drive you home. (Please consume Korean style Sashimi Responsibly.) Oh, and washing it all down with some cold beer isn’t all that bad either. I recommend Cass (Korean lager), or if you’re gonna cop out on us, you can drink Japanese beer (Asahi, Sapporo are all great for raw fish. Not a huge fan of Kirin. I dunno why.)

Double-U Tee Eff is this? Sea Cucumber and Sea Squirt!

The Sauces

What kinds of sauces or condiments do you think of when you think of sushi and sashimi? Soy sauce, wasabi, and maybe some of that ginger stuff that tastes like someone’s star mint fell into your lemonade? Well, what about hot sauce? The nose pinching, heart gouging pain of wasabi is not what we’re looking for here. We need another kind of sauce to make this triple entendre complete: Korean Red Whatever-the-hell-that-is Hot Sauce. (To be honest, I have no idea what kind of hot sauce that is. All I know is that it’s red and that it brings a whole new dimension to eating raw fish. Hunnie will probably chime in later to explain to us all exactly what kind of hot sauce that is.)

This is just one of many Korean Red Hot Sauces.

The We’re-Not-in-Kansas-Anymore Feeling

It’s a strange feeling to be eating sashimi in this way. The fish is amazingly fresh, the cuts are generous, and the additional hot sauce is a plus. I am a huge raw fish snob, and I was blown away the sheer quantity and presentation of Korean style sashimi. It felt weird to be eating such good sashimi in a place other than my favorite sushi restaurant. But it also felt so right. This meal hit the spot. It fulfilled me in ways normal Japanese sashimi could not. I always yearned for quantity over quality, and I always wanted to have to sketchy hot sauce to play side kick to my soy sauce/wasabi combo. So why hadn’t I gone out looking for Korean style sashimi before? Because it was those two points I brought up earlier that made me think that this kind of foodtacular food did not exist. What’s even better about this meal is the price. At any other Japanese restaurant, you’d be paying around 40% more for this quantity of raw delectable’s.

The Icing on the Sashimi

Not only did we eat delicious sashimi, Hunnie and I also decided to try the crazy looking thing in the fish tank. We’d all seen Andrew Zimmern rock up to the fish market in Korea or Japan plenty of times and eat the weird looking sea critter raw, but how many times in your life do you actually have the opportunity to try it yourself? Well, Hunnie and I dove into one of our foodtacular food fantasies (ooh, alliteration!) and ate raw Sea Squirt and Sea Cucumber. You’ll have to read about that debacle in its own post: Sea Cucumber and Sea Squirt.

Wait, whaaa? We get to eat Sea Cucumber and Sea Squirt as well?

It’s Foodtacular!

So all and all, I must say that Korean style sashimi was a game changer for me. The fish hadn’t changed, the way it was cut wasn’t changed, the wooden boat the it came on wasn’t different. So what made this meal so special for me? I think it was the realization that this very same food can satisfy you in a different way when experienced in a different way and with someone else. Hunnie had been telling me about how Koreans eat sashimi with a red sauce for the longest time. But whenever I would eat sashimi, I would just take the lead and eat what I knew to be sashimi. Hunnie opened up a portal to an alternate universe of raw fish consumption for me. So I challenge you now reader, go forth and eat something that you normally take for granted and share it with someone else. And see what perceptions they bring to the table change your perceptions of that food. I guarantee you a Foodtacular experience.